Unfortunately I do not write so well.....but fortunately my amazing colleague and friend Luisa Greig writes so beautifully and I am able to share her wonderful and very helpful words. Hopefully this will be of use to some of you.
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Let’s talk about the emotional impact of caring for a dog with a musculoskeletal issue, chronic condition, behavioral issue or physical disability.
Sometimes called caregiver burden / dog parent guilt / emotional burnout / empathy fatigue (although this last label typically relates to human-human interactions), this is a really important issue deserving of discussion and support for those involved, yet so often shrouded in guilt and isolation.
Guilt and taboo around difficult emotions.
We love our dogs, so when we experience negative feelings about their caregiving we can feel guilty.
We ‘chose’ to have a dog and this path so we’ve no right to complain, right?
Or sometimes we didn’t choose this - we did everything ‘right’ yet our dog still has behavioural difficulties, or has been diagonised with a condition requiring ongoing management and treatment.
The practical, emotional, and financial reality of looking after and being responsible for a dog with a condition or disability can be HARD. It’s completely normal and human to feel burnt out, fed up, even resentful at times. It doesn’t mean you love them any less.
As we know, suppressing emotions can lead to emotional and physical issues. It’s super important to take a minute to recognise where your own emotional health is at, and take steps to support yourself. As they say ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’.
Holly’s Army is a fantastic support and information group for owners of dogs with arthritis, run by the amazing team at Canine Arthritis Management.
Sometimes simply talking to likeminded doggy friends or your professional team can feel incredibly validating and supportive. Just feeling seen and talking through your worries and feelings can feel like a big weight has been taken off.
When managing a dog with chronic pain, the normal waxing and waning of pain and symptoms associated with their condition can cause huge emotional ups and downs for us, and make it difficult to see the overall picture.
Am I doing enough?
Are they ok?
Are they in pain?
Is their quality of life good enough?
Could I be doing more?
I don’t currently have any of my own dogs (or children) but as a therapist this is something I have to consciously practice. I want to help and can feel guilty if I don’t do EVERYTHING, but I’m slowly learning that having boundaries is not only necessary, it’s essential to my own emotional physical and mental health, and how to set and maintain them.
My Alaskan Malamute Fury had arthritis, and my ex partner’s Canadian Eskimo Dog Ira suffered a life changing ANNPE spinal injury in 2020 leaving her with limited function in her right hindlimb. Even as a therapist I felt almost constant guilt and that I could be doing more. It’s really hard not to disappear down that rabbit hole and lose perspective of just how well you are caring for them and everything you’re doing to benefit them.
We have tools to help you assess, reframe and manage both your dog’s pain, and in doing so your feelings and emotions around their condition.
A structured management plan can also feel very reassuring to owners, taking some of the ambiguity and pressure about decision making away, and providing clear guidance on signs of chronic pain and how to manage it.
Isolation.
You may experience social isolation due to the practical limitations placed on you by caring for your dog, or due to differing attitudes and lack of understanding and empathy from family members or friends.
They’re just a dog?
Why are you doing this if it’s so stressful?
Even, surely it would be better to just let them go?
This can be deeply upsetting and isolating, and lead us to question our choices and withdraw from our usual support networks.
Protect your energy - if you feel certain family and friends don’t understand consider what information you share with them, and how you can practice setting boundaries around unwanted, unsolicited conversation about your dog and their care.
Personally I’d like to tell anyone who questions my decisions about dog care in this way to…well you get the picture, but let’s keep it professional
Decision making.
The emotional burden of decision making on behalf of your dog cannot be underestimated. It’s crucial you have a trusted, knowledgeable and empathetic professional team around you to help guide you through decision making, to listen non judgmentally, and thus help to support you emotionally and well as practically.
With so much information and a multitude of various therapeutic modalities available, it can be difficult to sift through and discern what’s appropriate for your dog, and what is accurate, high quality advice and support, particularly with the prevalence of social media in our worlds.
ALWAYS seek advice from reputable, appropriately qualified professionals.
As a rule, social media is never a substitute for professional assessment and treatment. There are some wonderful, professionally run, unbiased and factually sound pages around, but be cautious of social media groups and pages giving anecdotal advice based on personal experience from unqualified individuals.
What works for and is appropriate for one dog may not be for another. Thorough professional assessment is key.
Your professional should set expectations, explain their clinical reasoning for their recommended treatment plan, explain their findings, answer any questions you may have, and work with any other professionals involved in your dog’s care.
Challenges in recognising chronic pain.
As I’ve touched on in previous posts, detection and treatment of chronic pain can be notoriously challenging. It’s often insidious, gradual, and subtle in nature, and mistakenly conflated with ‘just getting old’. Dogs may and often do still charge around.
When people around you (and this can sometimes include professionals unfortunately) are telling you they’re ‘fine’ you doubt yourself and don’t know where to turn, what’s wrong or what action to take. This can feel almost gaslighting and very isolating. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. You’re not wrong, you’re picking up on signs at an earlier stage which is wonderful, as it means we can be more proactive in treating your dog’s pain and achieve a much more favourable outcome in the long term.
There can often be huge guilt at the realisation that your dog is experiencing pain.
I’m a bad owner because I didn’t notice!
I had no idea they were in pain, I feel terrible!
This is such a normal and common reaction. It’s NOT your fault. Chronic pain is really challenging to detect. We professionals do this day in day out, and have years of training and experience in honing our skills of observation, asking the right questions, and clinical practice.
Your willingness to seek help, learn and take advice is the KEY. It’s brave. It’s emotionally difficult. It can be hard to accept that your dog is in pain and all the feelings that brings up. Making changes is hard. I thank and applaud anyone who has taken that step deeply. It makes it infinitely easier to help you and your dogs, and achieve the best possible outcome.
Financial burden.
Likewise the financial implications and strain of caring for your dog can be significant, and a big worry. This can lead to difficult decisions and emotions around their care.
Let your professional help. Many things are quick inexpensive wins, such as putting down non slip matting, exercise modifications, and maintaining your dog at an appropriate weight.
We can guide you as to how to get the most out of your dog’s treatment plan and what’s going to be most appropriate and effective for you both.
I really hope you’ve found this post informative and helpful. As always please do feel free to share. If you’d like me to cover any specific topics please comment below.
Luisa x
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